


Recall

by Bluepaw265



Series: Remember? [5]
Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Angst, Corruption, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fatherly feels (with Wu), Gen, Grudges, Lead up to some...interesting events, Metaphors, Remembering Villians, Some slight PTSD (REALLY?), Some subtle hints of stuff, The 'Major Character Death' tag is for obvious reasons; I think you all understand, The explanation is finally here, all season spoilers, time loops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 07:03:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13805976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluepaw265/pseuds/Bluepaw265
Summary: Kai's finally telling someone his deepest secret. Mysteries are uncovered, more foreshadowed, and hollowing feelings are discovered. The weight of the world is heavier than you'd think./ /The AU where Kai finally shares his secret with Lloyd, and breaks down in the process.





	Recall

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, here we go. The big reveal.  
> Have fun with some feels, guys!

__**_ Recall _ **

It hurt to recall the memories that constantly plague him.

They swirl around him like a black cloud and, when he ends up ignoring that for long enough, becomes a long and jagged dagger that is usually embedded in his side for long periods of time.

Sleeping was the usual way the memories came back to haunt him (because he’s _vulnerable_ there), but sometimes – when he’d hit rock bottom – they’d strike like a snake and _god_ , the bite hurt like a _bitch_.

One such moment was when he’d been drying the dishes for Zane (Zane, who’d died. Zane, who’d sacrificed himself for everyone he loved. Zane, who’d been such a hole in the team they’d split up). He’d felt the snake hiss and coil, beady eyes glaring at him, and he’d been cleaning a plate, trying to supress the incoming barrage of memories. He’d been sweating, shaking, taking short breaths, and the moment it lunged, he’d dropped the plate. It’d smashed against the floor, and Kai hadn’t been far behind, falling backwards as he passed out.

This time, though, it wasn’t like that.

He was talking. Finally, he was telling someone about what he’d experienced – what he’d done, how much added weight he’d had to bare.

This time, it wasn’t forced. Morro wasn’t pinning him down, spitting his secret in his face. Chen wasn’t declaring his victory to everyone in a chamber as his minions shoved him to the ground, enough venge stone in his shackles and in their armour to make his head spin. Nadakhan wasn’t grinning and telling his friends who he really was as his henchmen hauled him into the bright room, still fighting, despite the devastating wounds littering his body.

And, he found, as soon as he started, he couldn’t stop.

Kai told him of Lloyd’s father and his sisters’ abduction. He told him of times where he was captured instead, of times when he’d gone alone to save his friends, of times where all hope was lost, but he still fought.

He told him of his first death, and how he thought he’d been given a second chance. He told him of how he thought he could save everyone if he was strong enough, and how he’d watched his friends die over and over again. He told him of times where he thought he couldn’t save anyone, and how Wu always managed to bring him back. He told him of a time where his had determination flared to an absolute maximum, and how they’d finally managed to defeat his father on that 37th run.

He told Lloyd of the first time he’d met him, when the Green Ninja had been full of anger and resentment, and how Kai hadn’t said anything as they sat on this very hill to gaze at the stars, letting him think for himself, because the Fire Ninja wasn’t the best people person back then, haunted by nightmares and avoiding social contact at all costs. He didn’t tell him of how he’d gotten a new number ( _burn_ ) on the right side of his lower back.

Lloyd remembered, though, and in turn told Kai how, after feeling quite frustrated at first, felt quite confronted by his presence. ‘Master’ Lloyd told him of how he refused to talk to a stranger about his problems and finally managed to leave after a while of debate.

Kai let that that go after a laugh and began to continue his life story.

He told him of the pity he felt when he found a younger Lloyd trying to unsuccessfully steal candy over and over again. He told him of a time when he’d been too late to save Lloyd in the volcano. He told him of how he watched them all die more than once (and died more than his fair share), and how they’d finally succeeded on their 16th try.

He told him of the Overlord and how he’d managed to corrupt everyone but themselves, and how all the different nightmares Lloyd receives about that day are actually dreadful memories – that included the one where Kai coaxed him into stabbing him in the gut. He didn’t tell him about a dark time where they lost and Kai, still naïve and young in that 7th run, fought to get them all back, and failed. He told him of how he tried again around the thirties, then again in the late fifties, and again on round 70 (a time he remembers as clear as day). He told him of finally winning on number 74, and how tired he’d felt as the feeling that the Overlord would return didn’t leave him alone.

He told him of his father and how he watched him like a hawk for most of that free year. He didn’t tell him of the rather startling conversation they had (one that made Kai _finally_ open his eyes).

He told him of New Ninjago City and the adventures they had there while Lloyd was gone. He told him of the techno blades and of Techno Wu, of how his Sensei had killed him once and how he’d died three times from lethal wounds he managed to withhold until after that battle. He didn’t tell him of the scar across his back – one he got from that very place on that last round (number 35; pretty good for fighting the Overlord, if he did say so himself).

He told him of Zane’s death and how he’d tried it himself, only to respawn. He told him of his grief at the realisation that the Ice Ninja was meant to die and how he spent his time fighting at the Slither Pit trying to cope with that.

He told him of Chen and how he remembered every time everything reset. He told him it’d been hard, and how the sickening man, when capturing him, killed their friends in front of him. He told him of how he’d given up for a while, until Lloyd’s father gave him a stern talking to (the Green Ninja narrowed his eyes at that) and, finally, managed to defeat Chen on round 68.

He didn’t tell him of Skylor and their failed relationship.

He proceeded to tell him of Morro, of how he told Lloyd the truth every chance he got, and how he’d been relieved to be rid of him on round 27.

He paused on Nadakhan. Lloyd noticed. “What’s up?”

Kai bit his lip. “This one isn’t my story to tell. We’ll come back to this one when I’ve talked to Jay and Nya about it, ok?” That was all Lloyd needed, because he knew him well enough.

Kai continued to tell the Green Ninja about the Day of the Departed, and how he never forgot. He told him that it’d taken him 3 tries to get it right, and that he was still proud of his achievement.

He struggled to tell him about the Time Twins. He told him of captures and experiments and failures and finding his family. His voice cracks as he told him about how he failed to save them in the past, and finally stops as he reaches the final part.

But that’s ok, because Lloyd knows the basics (which could only be from the other Ninja reporting on his outburst), and ‘master’ Lloyd tells him that he doesn’t have to talk.

Kai cried in front of Lloyd for the first time ever that night (the one time where he _isn’t_ a dead weight in his arms), and the Green Ninja holds him as all the emotions bowl over. The rage, grief, terror all leak out of his eyes, because finally, he’d told someone. The weight on his shoulders had been such a familiar weight he’d forgotten it was there, and now that it’s gone, everything he’d been feeling had just rushed out like a dam breaking apart.

But he’s ok with that.

Someone knows. _Lloyd_ knows.

And suddenly, the thought of telling his friends isn’t so bad after all.


End file.
